Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an often overlooked but important aspect of emotional regulation, particularly for neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ADHD. It refers to an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection, criticism or failure, which can significantly affect how a person feels, responds and interacts in both personal and professional settings. In the workplace, this can lead to misunderstandings, strained communication, and unnecessary stress for both the individual with RSD and their colleagues.
Understanding RSD and its implications can foster a more empathetic and inclusive environment for everyone involved. In this blog, we’ll explore what RSD is, how it manifests in the workplace, and most importantly, provide practical tips on how to communicate with a colleague who has RSD.
What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?
RSD is a term that describes the extreme emotional sensitivity to rejection or criticism, often experienced by individuals with ADHD, although it can affect others as well. The term “dysphoria” means a state of unease or dissatisfaction, and when paired with rejection sensitivity, it describes the intense emotional turmoil someone experiences when they perceive themselves as being rejected or criticised. This reaction goes beyond feeling hurt or upset; it can feel like an overwhelming wave of anxiety, humiliation, or even despair.
For someone with RSD, the emotions triggered by perceived rejection can be difficult to manage, often leading to an exaggerated response. This can include withdrawing from colleagues, becoming defensive, or even experiencing physical symptoms like racing heartbeats or feeling “frozen.” While these reactions are often disproportionate to the situation, they are very real and can significantly affect both personal and professional relationships.
How Does RSD Manifest in the Workplace?
RSD’s manifestation in the workplace can vary, but there are some common signs and behaviours that may indicate someone is struggling with it. It’s important to note that these behaviours are not deliberate but rather emotional reactions to perceived rejection or criticism.
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Overreaction to Criticism: A colleague with RSD might respond to feedback in a way that seems out of proportion to the situation. Even constructive criticism or neutral comments can be misinterpreted as personal attacks, resulting in a strong emotional reaction.
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Avoidance of Feedback or Risk-Taking: Because of the intense fear of being rejected or criticised, someone with RSD may avoid situations where they might be evaluated or judged. This could include avoiding meetings where feedback is given, or not volunteering for projects due to fear of failure.
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Difficulty Receiving Praise: On the flip side, some individuals with RSD may struggle to accept praise, feeling that it is either insincere or that it may be followed by criticism. They may brush off compliments or respond in a way that seems unappreciative.
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Emotional Outbursts: RSD can cause sudden emotional outbursts, especially when someone feels cornered or criticised. These outbursts are often rooted in a feeling of being misunderstood or rejected and may result in tears, anger, or frustration.
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Procrastination or Perfectionism: To avoid the fear of failure or criticism, someone with RSD might procrastinate or engage in perfectionistic behaviours. They may delay starting or completing tasks because they are anxious about the potential outcome and fear making mistakes.
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Strained Relationships: Over time, RSD can create tension in relationships with colleagues, as the emotional reactions can lead to misunderstandings. Co-workers may not know how to respond to emotional outbursts or may perceive the individual as overly sensitive, which can create distance.
How to Communicate Effectively with a Colleague Who Has RSD
Now that we have a better understanding of what RSD is and how it might manifest in the workplace, let’s turn our attention to practical tips for improving communication with a colleague who has RSD. Clear, empathetic, and mindful communication can make a huge difference in fostering trust and improving relationships.
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Be Clear and Direct with Feedback When providing feedback, it’s important to be as clear, specific and constructive as possible. Ambiguity or vague language can be perceived as criticism, even if that wasn’t the intention. Instead of saying, “This could be better,” try to provide concrete suggestions such as, “I think this part could be clearer if you reword it this way.” Focusing on actionable steps reduces the likelihood of the feedback being taken personally.
Example: Instead of, “This presentation needs work,” say, “I think adding more visuals here would help clarify your main points.”
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Use Positive Reinforcement It’s important to be mindful that someone with RSD may struggle to internalise positive feedback. They might downplay compliments or even dismiss them altogether. This is why it’s crucial to highlight positive aspects alongside areas for improvement. The aim is to create a balanced perspective, where the individual feels seen for both their strengths and areas of growth.
Example: “You did a great job on this project; I especially appreciated how you handled the client’s concerns. Going forward, let’s also try to work on X so we can make the next project even smoother.”
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Validate Their Feelings If you notice a colleague is reacting strongly to feedback, try to validate their feelings before moving into problem-solving mode. Acknowledge their emotional response and let them know it’s okay to feel upset. This can help prevent the person from feeling dismissed or misunderstood.
Example: “I can see that this feedback really upset you, and I want to make sure we address that. Let’s talk about what’s going on, and how we can make this work better for you.”
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Be Mindful of Timing and Tone When providing feedback, consider the timing and delivery. It’s important to approach sensitive topics in a calm and private setting, as a public setting could amplify feelings of rejection. Additionally, using a neutral tone, rather than one that might sound critical, can help avoid triggering an emotional response.
Example: Instead of saying, “This report isn’t good enough,” say, “I’d like to go over this with you to see how we can make it even stronger.”
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Offer Support, Not Solutions Sometimes, someone with RSD may simply need support rather than immediate solutions. When someone is feeling rejected or criticised, they might benefit from someone empathising with their feelings and offering reassurance that they are valued, rather than trying to fix the situation right away.
Example: “It sounds like this feedback is really tough for you to hear right now. Let me know if you’d like to talk through it or need any extra support.”
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Encourage Open Dialogue Creating an environment where open, non-judgmental dialogue is encouraged can help ease the stress of RSD. Encourage your colleague to express their feelings, and let them know that their thoughts and emotions are valid. This can build trust and create a stronger sense of understanding between both parties.
Example: “If at any point you feel uncomfortable with how we’re communicating, please feel free to let me know. I want to make sure you feel supported and heard.”
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Be Patient Building trust and creating positive communication habits with someone who has RSD takes time. It’s important to be patient and consistent in your approach. If your colleague has a strong emotional reaction to something, give them space to process and reflect. With time, they’ll likely feel more comfortable in expressing their thoughts and needs.
Example: If you notice that your colleague is quieter after receiving feedback, don’t immediately press them for a response. Give them time to process, and check in later to ensure they feel supported.
In Conclusion
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can be a challenging experience for those who live with it, particularly in a workplace setting where feedback and performance evaluations are often integral. However, by taking a thoughtful and empathetic approach to communication, we can support colleagues with RSD in a way that fosters inclusivity, reduces misunderstandings, and helps everyone feel valued.
Effective communication with a colleague who has RSD involves being clear and direct, using positive reinforcement, validating their emotions, and being patient. Most importantly, it requires creating a safe space where your colleague feels comfortable, understood and supported—something that benefits not only the individual with RSD but the entire team.
By being aware of RSD and adjusting our communication strategies, we can contribute to a more neurodiverse and compassionate workplace where all employees can thrive.