Caring for a neurodivergent child can be deeply rewarding, and it can also be relentless. Assessments, school meetings, appointments, phone calls chasing support and the days when things go wrong all have to fit around a working week. If you’re a parent or carer and it’s starting to affect your work, your health or both, you’re far from alone. This post sets out practical steps you can take, and the rights you have in the UK.
Recognise what you’re carrying
Start by being honest with yourself about how much you’re managing. Parents and carers of neurodivergent children often spend hours each week on things other parents never think about: attending appointments, pushing for educational support, and dealing with services that weren’t designed with their child in mind. That load affects energy, concentration and wellbeing at work.
Feeling stretched doesn’t mean you’re failing. You’re doing a demanding second role, often without much recognition, and needing help is reasonable. One parent’s account of how their child opened their eyes to neuroinclusion shows how much this experience can shape working life.
Talk to your employer
Your employer can’t support you if they don’t know what’s going on. You don’t need to share every detail of your child’s life, but explaining the practical impact helps them work with you.
Ask for a private meeting with your line manager or HR. Be specific: for example, that regular appointments clash with fixed hours, or that calls from school are hard to take in an open-plan office. Then talk about what would help.
Know your rights
UK law gives working carers several protections:
- Flexible working. All employees can request flexible working from their first day in a job. Employers must deal with requests reasonably.
- Carer’s leave. Since April 2024, employees caring for a dependant with a disability or long-term care need can take up to one week of unpaid carer’s leave every 12 months, from day one.
- Protection from discrimination by association. Under the Equality Act 2010, you shouldn’t be treated less favourably because of your child’s disability. Note that the duty to make reasonable adjustments applies to disabled employees themselves, not to carers, so flexible working is usually the main route for carers.
Many employers go further than the legal minimum, so check your carer’s or family policy too.
Ask for flexible working
Flexible working is often the single biggest help. Options to consider include:
- Changing your hours to fit around school drop-offs and appointments.
- Compressed hours, working your contracted time over fewer days.
- Working from home some or all of the time.
- Part-time work or a job share, if you need to reduce your hours overall.
When you make a request, explain how the arrangement would work in practice and how your work would still get done. Employers respond well to a clear, workable proposal, and many will look for a compromise if your first suggestion isn’t possible. The charity Working Families has a helpful guide to flexible working for employees.
Use the support available
Many workplaces offer an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), which usually includes free, confidential counselling and practical advice. It’s worth checking what yours covers.
Outside work, local and online groups for parents of neurodivergent children can be a lifeline. Other parents often know which services are worth chasing and which forms to fill in, and simply talking to people who understand can make the load feel lighter.
Protect your own energy
Carers are at real risk of burnout. Small breaks matter, even when there’s no time for anything bigger: a walk, some exercise, ten minutes on something you enjoy.
Boundaries matter too. It’s tempting to overcompensate at work to prove that caring isn’t affecting your performance. That usually ends in exhaustion. Be realistic about what you can do, and say so. If you’re neurodivergent yourself, our post on the ADHD burnout cycle may also be useful.
Get the right support for your child
When your child’s needs are properly met, life usually gets more manageable for the whole family. That might mean:
- Working with your child’s school to make sure the right support and adjustments are in place.
- Specialist support, such as occupational therapy or speech and language therapy, where it suits your child’s needs.
- Respite care, which gives you a break and some time to focus on work or yourself.
Getting this support often takes persistence, but it can make a big difference.
Why it’s worth employers getting this right
Employees who feel supported by their employer are more likely to stay. For organisations, supporting parents and carers is a practical way to keep experienced people who might otherwise reduce their hours or leave altogether. We explore this further in the benefits of supporting parents of neurodivergent children at work.
How Enna can help
If your employer wants to understand neurodivergence better, including what parents and carers deal with, our Neurodiversity 101 workshop is a good starting point for teams, and our neurodiversity awareness training for managers helps line managers respond well when someone asks for flexibility. HR teams can also book a call with us to talk about policy.
And if you’re looking for a role with an employer that takes neuroinclusion seriously, have a look at the Enna jobs board.
