Parents of neurodivergent children often carry a second, mostly invisible job. Diagnosis can take years, school support has to be fought for, and the appointments, calls and meetings rarely fit around a nine-to-five. When that load meets a rigid workplace, something gives, and too often it’s the parent’s job.
Employers who understand this, and make a few practical changes, keep skilled people they would otherwise lose. This post looks at what parents of neurodivergent children commonly deal with, how it shows up at work, and what employers can do about it.
What parents of neurodivergent children deal with
The diagnosis process
Getting an assessment for a child can mean long waiting lists, repeated referrals and a lot of research. Parents have to decide whether to pursue a diagnosis at all, find the right professionals and then learn how best to support their child. All of this involves appointments and paperwork, usually during working hours.
Many parents also face big decisions about schooling, whether mainstream, specialist provision or home education, and each option takes time, energy and emotional effort.
Advocating at school
Parents often become their child’s main advocate in the education system. That can mean pushing for the right adjustments, learning education law and keeping up constant contact with teachers, particularly when schools are stretched or have limited understanding of neurodivergence.
At home, a child may experience meltdowns, shutdowns or burnout, often because school or other environments don’t meet their needs. Supporting a child through that takes a lot of emotional energy, and it doesn’t switch off when a parent logs on for work.
The toll on wellbeing
Anxiety, guilt and exhaustion are common among parents in this position. It’s hard to rest when you’re always on call. Over time, that can affect concentration at work, increase absence and lead to burnout. Some parents are also neurodivergent themselves, sometimes only recognising it during their child’s assessment, which can add another layer to what they are managing. We cover that experience in our post on later-in-life neurodivergent diagnosis.
How this shows up at work
Employees in this position may need more flexibility to attend appointments or deal with a call from school. They may seem distracted or tired, or be reluctant to take on extra projects.
Without support, some will cut their hours or leave altogether. For employers, that means losing experienced people and paying to replace them, when a few practical changes might have kept them.
What employers can do
Offer real flexibility
Flexible working is usually the most valuable thing an employer can offer. Adjusted hours, home working and time off for appointments take a huge amount of pressure off. In the UK, employees can request flexible working from their first day, and since April 2024 carers of a dependant with a disability or long-term care need are entitled to up to a week of unpaid carer’s leave each year. The best employers go further than the legal minimum, and treat flexibility as a sign of trust rather than a favour.
Check in regularly
Short, regular conversations about workload and wellbeing help managers spot pressure before it turns into a crisis. Make sure employees know about counselling through your Employee Assistance Programme, if you have one. A parents’ and carers’ network or employee resource group can give people a place to share advice and feel less alone.
Train your managers
Many managers have little understanding of neurodivergence, let alone what it means for families. Training helps them respond with empathy and practical options rather than suspicion. It also helps them support neurodivergent employees directly, which is useful, because around one in five of your staff may be neurodivergent.
Build trust
Employees who trust their employer to support them through difficult periods are more likely to stay, and more likely to be open about what they need. That openness makes everything else easier to manage. Our post on how HR professionals can begin supporting neurodiversity covers some first steps.
Why it’s worth it
Supporting parents of neurodivergent children is decent, and it also makes business sense. You keep experienced people, reduce absence and build a reputation as an employer that people want to work for. For a parent’s-eye view of what this looks like, read our practical guide for parents and carers whose responsibilities are affecting their work, or one parent’s story of how their child opened their eyes to neuroinclusion.
How Enna can help
We help employers build workplaces that work for neurodivergent people and the families around them. Our neurodiversity foundations for managers course gives line managers the confidence to handle conversations about caring responsibilities and adjustments. If you want to set up a carers’ or neurodiversity network, our employee resource group workshop will help it get off to a strong start.
For a review of your policies, including flexible working and carers’ support, take a look at our neuroinclusion audits, or book a call to talk it through.
