Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an often overlooked but important part of emotional regulation, particularly for neurodivergent people and especially those with ADHD. It refers to an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection, criticism or failure, and it can affect how someone gets on at home and at work. In the workplace, it often leads to misunderstandings and a lot of avoidable stress, for the person with RSD and for the people around them.
This blog covers what RSD is, how it shows up at work and, most usefully, how to talk to a colleague who has it.
What is rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)?
RSD is a term that describes extreme emotional sensitivity to rejection or criticism. It is often experienced by people with ADHD, although it can affect others as well. The word “dysphoria” means a state of unease or dissatisfaction, and when paired with rejection sensitivity, it describes the intense emotional turmoil someone experiences when they feel rejected or criticised. It is more than feeling hurt or upset. It can feel like a sudden wave of anxiety, humiliation or even despair. ADHD UK’s deep dive into rejection sensitivity dysphoria, with psychiatrist Dr Shyamal Mashru, is a helpful introduction.
For someone with RSD, the emotions triggered by perceived rejection can be difficult to manage, and the response may look bigger than the situation seems to call for. This can include withdrawing from colleagues, becoming defensive, or even physical symptoms like a racing heart or feeling “frozen”. They may look out of proportion from the outside, but they are very real, and they can put a strain on relationships at work and at home.
How does RSD show up in the workplace?
RSD can look different from person to person, but there are some common signs that someone may be experiencing it. None of this is deliberate. These are emotional reactions to perceived rejection or criticism.
- Strong reactions to criticism: A colleague with RSD might respond to feedback in a way that seems out of proportion to the situation. Even constructive criticism or neutral comments can feel like personal attacks, resulting in a strong emotional reaction.
- Avoiding feedback or risk-taking: Because of an intense fear of rejection or criticism, someone with RSD may avoid situations where they might be evaluated or judged. This could include avoiding meetings where feedback is given, or not volunteering for projects because of a fear of failure.
- Difficulty receiving praise: On the flip side, some people with RSD may find it hard to accept praise, feeling that it is insincere or that criticism is about to follow. They may brush off compliments or respond in a way that seems unappreciative.
- Emotional outbursts: RSD can cause sudden emotional reactions, especially when someone feels cornered or criticised. These are often rooted in a feeling of being misunderstood or rejected and may show up as tears, anger or frustration.
- Procrastination or perfectionism: To avoid failure or criticism, someone with RSD might procrastinate or hold themselves to perfectionist standards. They may delay starting or finishing tasks because they are anxious about the outcome and afraid of making mistakes.
- Strained relationships: Over time, tension can build with colleagues when emotional reactions are misunderstood. Co-workers may not know how to respond or may see the person as overly sensitive, which can create distance.
For managers, it helps to recognise these patterns before they turn into conflict. Our article on when feedback feels like rejection looks at what can happen when they are missed.
How to communicate effectively with a colleague who has RSD
Most of what helps here is simply good communication, done a little more deliberately. These seven habits go a long way towards building trust.
1. Be clear and direct with feedback
When giving feedback, be as clear, specific and constructive as possible. Ambiguity or vague language can be heard as criticism, even if that wasn’t the intention. Instead of saying, “This could be better,” offer concrete suggestions such as, “I think this part could be clearer if you reword it this way.” Focusing on actionable steps reduces the chance of the feedback being taken personally.
Example: Instead of, “This presentation needs work,” say, “I think adding more visuals here would help clarify your main points.”
2. Use positive reinforcement
Someone with RSD may find positive feedback hard to take in. They might downplay compliments or dismiss them altogether. So point out strengths alongside areas for improvement. The aim is a balanced picture, where the person feels seen for both their strengths and their areas of growth.
Example: “You did a great job on this project; I especially appreciated how you handled the client’s concerns. Going forward, let’s also try to work on X so we can make the next project even smoother.”
3. Validate their feelings
If you notice a colleague reacting strongly to feedback, try to acknowledge their feelings before moving into problem-solving mode. Let them know it’s okay to feel upset. This can help prevent them from feeling dismissed or misunderstood.
Example: “I can see that this feedback really upset you, and I want to make sure we address that. Let’s talk about what’s going on, and how we can make this work better for you.”
4. Be mindful of timing and tone
When giving feedback, think about timing and delivery. Approach sensitive topics in a calm and private setting, as a public setting could amplify feelings of rejection. A neutral tone, rather than one that might sound critical, can also help.
Example: Instead of saying, “This report isn’t good enough,” say, “I’d like to go over this with you to see how we can make it even stronger.”
5. Offer support, not just solutions
Sometimes, someone with RSD simply needs support rather than an immediate fix. When someone is feeling rejected or criticised, they may benefit from a colleague who empathises and reassures them that they are valued, rather than rushing to solve the problem.
Example: “It sounds like this feedback is really tough to hear right now. Let me know if you’d like to talk it through or need any extra support.”
6. Encourage open dialogue
An environment where open, non-judgemental conversation is encouraged can ease the stress of RSD. Invite your colleague to share how they feel, and let them know their thoughts and emotions are valid. This builds trust and a stronger understanding on both sides.
Example: “If at any point you feel uncomfortable with how we’re communicating, please let me know. I want to make sure you feel supported and heard.”
7. Be patient
Building trust and positive communication habits with someone who has RSD takes time. Be patient and consistent in your approach. If your colleague has a strong emotional reaction, give them space to process and reflect. Over time, they are likely to feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and needs.
Example: If you notice that your colleague is quieter after receiving feedback, don’t immediately press them for a response. Give them time to process, and check in later to make sure they feel supported.
For a deeper look at practical strategies, see our RSD toolkit for people managers, and if performance is a concern, our guide on what to do if an employee with ADHD isn’t performing.
Conclusion
Rejection sensitive dysphoria can be challenging for the people who live with it, particularly at work, where feedback and performance reviews are part of everyday life. A bit of thought about how you communicate goes a long way. Colleagues with RSD feel safer, and there are fewer misunderstandings to sort out later.
None of the tips above are complicated. Be clear, notice what is going well, take people’s feelings seriously and give them time. When people can hear feedback without bracing themselves for it, work gets easier for the whole team, not just the person with RSD.
How Enna can help
Good feedback conversations are a skill that any manager can learn. Our neuroinclusive management conversations workshop gives managers practical tools for feedback, check-ins and difficult conversations, and our neuroinclusive communication training helps whole teams communicate in ways that work for different minds. For individual support, workplace coaching can help both employees and managers build strategies that last.
If you’d like a sense of where your organisation stands first, take our free neuroinclusion maturity assessment, or book a call with our team.
